Untitled 2017

Forget what you know about lonelines. You haven’t seen anything yet.

The times get harder. The tides get stronger. The world gets darker.

I was so sure that you knew who I was, but you don’t. You don’t. 

I swear to God you knew.

Same day in and out, I brush the hair from my face to see that nothing’s changed.

The nights get longer. The tides get stronger. The world, so much darker.

Yet again, a dreamer, setting sail to find the place that feels new and familiar at the same time.

You’ll know it’s right when the moon leads you home. 

It’ll finally lead you home.

Advertisements

[scattered lines]

The sun doesn’t bring me joy

Because I know that the day has just begun
I’d rather stay invisible
They won’t know the color of my eyes

And I won’t know what it’s like to try to be loved again
I wait for the moon to come and wind me down

Where my thoughts aren’t so loud

My insecurities aren’t exposed

And my dreams still show like that late night movie you watch to fall asleep
She drinks her wine like most drink their coffee

Daily

Sweet

And at the wrong time with the worst thoughts flooding her mind
She’s a beauty, but all she sees is where she wants to be and how she’s not there

Wear the perfect disguise

Get the attention of all the guys

But she knows that it won’t last

She’s just dreaming and it will all end soon

The scars on her wrists remind her
She doesn’t know he loves her and shares similar flaws with shades of sadness and hopeful opportunities 

But she’ll never truly know

Because he’s just a friend

And in her mind he just wants to fix her
I just wish you knew

You’re perfect the way you are

Flower

This one’s for you

I saw your ghost in a dream

I was the only one

I called your name

I heard mine

The whole world stayed the same

But I’ll be forever changed by your warmth
It shouldn’t have been your time

I shouldn’t have missed your calls

I shouldn’t have missed the holidays

I should have been there

You should have stayed
The whole world is a little bit dimmer, darker

Every time I drive near that house that was your home

I regret every lost moment I kept myself wrapped in others

You were a light

You were a flower to the hummingbirds 

You were pure unadulterated love
I saw your ghost in a dream

I was the only one 

This whole damn world is forever changed 

Once more with feeling

One more notch 

And you’ll feel something

One more touch and you’ll breathe

One more night and you’ll be living
With each passionate exchange

You recycle your words

Your motions
What a time to be alive

I’m just the open door 

You’ll never walk through

The one you’ll never remember 
Every night it feels right

For a moment

The loneliness cured by a bandage

Of bullshit lines
Just one more night

Just once more for the feeling

Just one more notch
And maybe they won’t notice I’m alone

Day 9,706

Day 9,706
Almost at a loss for words

Never certain of what should leave my mind

And creep out of my mouth

For fear it’d change it all
It’d change everything
Every moment since the first

I’ve seen a new shade of you

You sing a melody

It becomes an instant lullaby

For all who listen 

For all who love
9,706 days and counting

Until I recap from then to now

All the times I’ve given up, had luck, or fucked up
Here’s to hope

That we find you someday

And that we forget to keep track

Because it doesn’t matter anymore 
Until then

I still count the days

I still know my name
Where the hell do I go from here?

9a.m. Tuesday Morning

Dreams and memories collide Past lives and loves meet and speak

An alliteration in my mind
This heart beats but it knows pain

It knows every word

Time and time again

Shame
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
I’ve scrubbed for days

But my hands are unclean
There’s a sunset

That I’ll never forget

There’s a sunrise

That I’ve always had regret

When our eyes met

Fists clenched

Hearts beatings

Out of our chests
I’ll never forget how your lips knew mine by name

The Lonely Boy

The lonely boy cried at nightWhile his mother gets beat 

And she thinks it’s her fault

She always thinks she’s in the wrong

He feels helpless, powerless
Such is life
The lonely boy has only friends that are imaginary or related

He’s too quiet

He’s too strange 
The lonely boy gets old enough to shave

Only to realize it doesn’t matter

Nobody ever stays

His best friend is a notebook that he scribbles every thought, every creative line

Hoping to find some sense of validation

Self-worth all the while he still holds his pen the wrong way
The lonely boy watches as his family moves away

Fearing to lose what few friends he’s gained

He stays behind
He finds and loses love often

He always thinks it’s his fault

He’s too emotional

He falls too hard

He says all the right and wrong things

At all the wrong and right times
The lonely boy has greys in his hair

Only to realize it doesn’t really matter

I’m still alone

His friends are mostly married, with children, or growing apart
Depression’s got the best of the lonely boy 

As he writes these words

Pulled over on the side of the road

Music surrounding his ears

Singing by himself

He’s always singing by himself

Because no one really knows him

And he already knows
No one ever stays

Nothing stays the same

It’s the little things that keeps him going

The lonely boy is now a man
He just wants to feel loved but he fears he asks too much