Hurricane

Putting pen to paper is hard

Because when that ink sets

It means forever

Forever is an eternity

Confidence

I want mine back

I want to fit comfortably in my skin

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again

Sinking deeper

As I struggle to keep a steady breath

I’m imprisoned by the thoughts that came from the back to the front of my head

Black and blue

Like my eyes after I’ve beat myself to death for everything I can’t change

I’ll forgive me someday

I’ll be forgiven when I need to be

I won’t be like this forever

I had life rushing through my veins like a river

But I want to be a hurricane

I want to take it all

I want to take it all away and make it new again

I want to be new again

Pen to paper

Because when that ink sets in

It’s an eternity

Forever

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(don’t blink)

Always looking for the escape route

I swear I’m not running from you

I’m looking for a way out

An exit that’s more comfortable

Just know that nothing matters without you

You give me life

You mean everything to me

Just don’t leave

Don’t go

I’ve come face to face with fear itself

And he’s a madman

Poisoning your mind with dreams of our demise

Wake up

It’ll all come to pass

It’s all in the past

It’ll come to pass

Fragile mentality

Born into reality

I swear I won’t run this time

Because nothing matters without you

And love is all we’ve got

Don’t let go

clouded moon

I keep my mind occupied

By thoughts and memories

Just so I don’t have to face the truth

I’m a shaky knee-d boy

Running to and from everything that makes me wrong

I’m a crooked smile hiding behind these lips

so you won’t see how broken I am

I often tell a story about a kid from a broken home filled with rage and unforgivable sin

I wish I knew who I was back then

I wish I could turn back the clock

And make things right

Because that kid was so scared to make a move, but one move could have changed it all

I’m alive but I feel like I died 6 years ago when the world was supposed to end

December 2012

I’m a man living through his stories

But not practicing what I preach to them

I’m good in nature but fighting my demons behind closed doors

I’m the mask I’ve been wearing a long time now

I’m the lie I’ve been telling for years on end

I’m the lie

Warning (because this one is painful)

Quiet down

It’s just a dream

It’s just a scene

Fabricated by your misconceptions

Of everyone else about you

But reality proves to be different

No one ever stays

Everyone leaves

And it’s my fucking filthy hands

Pushing you away

My crooked teeth

Whistling the tune of your leaving

My warped mind

Sending signals to never come back

Someone just stay

Please stay

Stay

Please

Stay

Because I don’t know who I am

And I’m scared to fucking death

The last time I’ll ever write for you

6am

I stopped dreaming last night for the last time

I put it all out there

I put it all on the line

I hope it was worth it

I hope it was worth it

I hope

We visit the bottle when times get hard

Like an old friend you didn’t want to see

Because it feels so right but it feels so wrong

Because you know it’s for the worst reasons

Like a funeral but no one had to die

I said I loved you the only way I knew how

But you never felt the same wings flutter in your chest

It was all in my head

Now I have to let you go

I said I loved you for the last time

I have to let you go

I gotta let go

home

Let’s play hide and seek

With everything you once held dear

She’s every record spinning

And he’s just the song

That she skips

Because it hurts her so

The words meant nothing

Because you walked away anyway

But anyways

You must have written that chapter

A thousand and half drafts

But the pen never made contact

Because you were scared

There’s no turning back

And when it’s done

It’s done

The scars on your legs

The marks on your wrists

Take you to the part

When loneliness met you in a dark hall

Filled with nothing

I’d rather see your eyes cry

Than see you bleed

Because that’s how much she means to me

If she asks, I’m there

If she speaks, I’ll listen

Because I won’t lose another

To a damaged love machine

All because the world wants to play hide and seek

Instead of loving those in need

This is the part of the story when you love yourself

This is the one with the happy ending

This is where I take you home

This rough draft should have stayed dead

I don’t like the things you do

It’s who you are

I’ve been settling for not okay

Because it’s not so bad

I spend my heart

Loving everyone

Except for myself

I spend my heart

I’ve spent it all

Now we’re running on empty

I looked out the window

The late after midnight sky

It screamed your name

I’ve never wanted to hear you more

But your selfish eyes

And desperate hair

They say “I’ve always wanted you”

I’ll carry your burdens

They’re not as heavy as mine

We never see the light so I’ll make my own

I’ll make it my own

Because your selfish eyes and desperate hair

I’ll always spend my heart on everyone

But me

This season has to end

Or my roots are dead